You’re just asking for a friend, right?
Putting jokes aside, asking the question ‘can relationships that start as affairs last‘ can be an extremely touchy subject to discuss. Bringing it up among your friends could draw judgment, what about asking your male friends? Nope, that could cause some tension in certain cases.
That brings you here, to get the honest truth on this topic and avoid ridicule. Luckily, there are several fascinating factors that you may not have considered that will help you to think through: the affair, relationships after the affair, and if those relationships can actually last.
Look Inward First
What does this mean? We’re going to start off in the scenario where you are the one who is embarking on the affair as it’s not always the man who is promiscuous during relationships. In fact, recent studies by Dr. David Holmes, a psychologist at Manchester Metropolitan University found that more women are cheating than ever before.
Also, separate studies show that women are better at keeping secrets and hiding their trail than men who have affairs.
What does this have to do with you?
If you are thinking of having an affair, are having one, or are just simply curious — nobody knows you like yourself. For a relationship to work there must be trust, commitment, and an open line of communication.
Ask yourself this question “Am I at risk of having another affair?” even if you are head over heels for this guy, you once felt the same for your current partner. Answering “yes” to this question means that your affair; turned relationship will most likely not work. There may be something else you are searching for internally rather than just a change in boyfriend or husband.
Are You The Other Woman?
Throw the old saying of “once a cheater, always a cheater” out the window as that is not always the case. When speaking about relationships “absolute statements” are typically a terrible place to begin. What applies for some, won’t apply for everyone. In some situations, the most logical actions may seem impossible within a relationship.
Again, how does this apply here?
If you are having an affair with a man in a relationship, it can be extremely difficult to know whether there could be a future. Does he just like you for the sex? Does he get off on the thrill of cheating? Is he just a smooth talker without an ounce of sincerity?
He very well could be…
He may have real feelings for you and want to settle down. When approaching him to talk about a relationship it is vital to be up front and honest. Make sure to be direct and firm with your words as he needs to know you are serious.
If he never keeps his promises after that conversation, that is all the indication you need that he isn’t really serious about a relationship. Again, this doesn’t apply to every man, but if he begins making excuses he only wants you around for the excitement, thrill, and well the sex.
Can relationships that start as affairs last? Signs To Look For
It’s important to gauge interest from your partner, it’s possible they have no interest in a traditional relationship. If he is married, a number of complications could make it difficult for him to leave his wife.
If you’re the one that would have to leave your current relationship, make sure the man within the affair actually wants to settle down and commit. It would be a disaster for your personal life if decisions were made without being sure where he stands.
What if you’re both in a relationship?
Well, that opens up an entirely new box of issues, in that scenario communication is the most important because a number of lives will change depending on the choices you make.
Why Doesn’t It Work?
Studies have shown that 75% of marriages that began as affairs ended in divorce, meaning an even greater number of relationships built from affairs didn’t last. Why have there been so many divorces?
It seems to come down to several key factors; guilt about the original affair undermines the new relationship, lovers fall out of the “honeymoon” period and realize their expectations were unrealistic, the partner who went outside their previous relationship isn’t trusted, and either one or both parties distrust marriage in general.
However, this doesn’t mean a successful relationship can’t come out of an affair, it only shows the odds aren’t that great. Before making any immediate decisions consider your decisions. Time is the best gauge of longevity. It’s best to be optimistic, but don’t apply pressure or have lofty expectations.
Be yourself and hope for the best.
What Do You Think?
Can relationships that start as affairs last? Could you / have you made a relationship from an affair work? Do you think these relationships are good ideas? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!