When you read the words “I Do,” the first thing that comes to mind is marriage. Till death do you part. This is the day you’ve been dreaming about for a long time.
You’ve got a beautiful white dress, are the center of attention, and are getting married in your dream location with your dream man. Things couldn’t be more perfect.
Unfortunately for you, your dreams could be shattered as your man might not be quite ready to settle down. Now even though this doesn’t necessarily mean marriage quite yet, it could mean settling down to one vagina for the rest of his life.
Those dreams you were having? Those are going to be put on a hold for a while. Is he ready to settle down? Let’s open the perspective.
Is He Ready To Settle Down? Consider His Past
When did you meet and what was he like in his early days? Was he a party animal in college who got with any and every girl that walked? Or was he a kind guy who had no more than 5 partners?
Let’s start with the party animal/playboy.
Typically a man who had his fair share of women knows that there’s still a readily available su
rplus of women. A single friend of mine once said “the beautiful thing about getting older, is that these girls seem to stay young.”
Perverted of him
? Probably. But he does have a point. Guys who were single playboys understand that when once girl isn’t satisfying your needs, there’s always another one up on bat and even one in the dugout waiting for her chance.
In this context, settling down doesn’t seem that appealing.
On the contrasting side, a single playboy man could one day have a self realization that all of those other girls he’s even been with meant nothing. That he had no emotional connection with them and regardless of how great the sex was, he needed something more – a psychological connection on a much greater level that a one night stand just couldn’t possibly provide.
So does his playboy past play a role in what he wants with you and your relationship? Absolutely. Remember this: you can take the playboy away from the game, but you can’t take the game away from the playboy.
I know that sounds corny but it’s sort of like “you can take the man out of the ghetto but you can’t take the ghetto out of the man.” When it’s something that he became accustomed to – being a playboy – even though he’s in a committed relationship with you, he’ll still miss and remember the times he had as a single man.
Moving onto the polite guy who had less than a hand full of women.
I used to have friends like this in high school and even college. They really didn’t hook up with girls or even try. They were content focusing on their schooling and just on day to day activities.
If this is how your man was in college, then I’d have to say that the absence or lack of desire for a woman at that point in his life, might just mean that he’s ready for a relationship.
To have a woman in his life to care for and to care for him. As far as settling down and marriage goes, he could and just may be a beast waiting to be unleashed.
He might want to get back out there and enter the game as a young adult with more confidence. I wouldn’t really count on it though. Once a man decides to fall in love, he’s in love and could be willing to commit.
Here’s Why He’s Not Ready
As the old saying goes, “there are plenty of fish in the sea.” Regardless of your man’s commitment to you, understand that his eyes are going to wander.
Beauty attracts the eye and it doesn’t matter how committed your current relationship is, he’s going to look when a pretty woman walks by.
Now does this mean that he’s not ready to settle down? Of course not. Eye candy is eye candy so long as you don’t touch. Every taken man was once single, so you can’t expect him to just immediately stop looking at other attractive women.
“But he’s got me, I’m all the woman he needs!” I totally understand your reasoning behind that but you’re not realistic if you think you’re the only woman who has his eye. The girl that just walked by behind you just caught it. It’s natural. He still cares about you.
But if you constantly find him looking at women all of the time, then maybe he’s not ready. Once in a while is okay but all of the time isn’t. He should have some degree of respect.
His circle of influence – group of best buds – could also play a huge role. If he’s the only guy in a relationship while all of his friends are still single and living it up, he’ll miss hanging out with the guys and the things that they can do that he can’t.
Temptation will arise and he’s going to miss all of the new tail walking around. The old hunter in him will miss the chase of hunting big game. It’s natural to miss something that has given you such great times.
If you find him wanting to go out with his buddies more and more, then he’s probably not ready to settle down. If he’s openly texting other girls and saying they’re just friends, then he’s probably not ready to settle down. If he’s going out but never invites you, he’s probably not ready to settle down. If you see that he’s constantly commenting on other girls pictures, making more friends online with girls than guys, liking girls pictures on instagram, etc..HE’S PROBABLY NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN.
Here’s How You Know He’s Ready For Settling Down
As I’ve grown up, the relationship my dad and I have had has opened up a bit more. There were just some things you don’t tell your son about when he’s in middle school.
Keep reading for heart warming story.
One day at a bar in Reno, Nevada, my dad started to open up to me and tell me a bit about how he came to meet (and committed to) my mom. He had been a playboy during his first marriage, found out his wife was cheating and so he returned the favor.
I was shocked to find out about this part of my dad’s life…but then he said:
“Yeah I was messing with other girls during my first marriage but it was only because she was cheating on me. I was a playboy and I knew it. At this time I had plenty of girls who wanted to be with me, wanting my kids, and they all knew I was already married with two kids. But when I met your mom, I dropped them all and filed for a divorce. I knew she was the one.”
Now that quote isn’t exactly what he said but it went something like that. He knew right when he met my mom that every other woman didn’t matter anymore. My dad was 26 and my mom was 16 at the time.
The point is this.
When your man is ready to settle down, he’ll drop all of the other women in his life. He’ll even drop the thoughts of other women who he’s even missed.
Every other woman and person becomes secondary when he’s ready to settle down. He’ll get that “I just know she’s the one” type of feeling within himself.
After my dad and I had one to many beers, he still looked at other women. I even once asked my mom if she looked at other guys and she said she did. They have this mutual understanding that other attractive people in the world exist, yet at the same time they’re all each other needs and wants.
But when it was all said and done he headed up to the hotel room and lay by my moms side.
That’s how you know he’s ready. When whatever else is going on in his life and the past women don’t matter.
Yes you’ll argue. Yes there will be tears. Yes there will be disagreements and even some I hate you’s thrown around. But when every other woman doesn’t matter anymore, he’ll be the first to know and he’ll be the first to let you know.
So don’t force it. Stop looking on the internet for some secret to exploit your man’s true feelings, just be patient and take it all in as a learning experience. He’ll let you know when he’s ready and when he does he’ll be down on one knee with a ring in his hand and a smile on his face.