Having a smart phone is a social norm these days. I can remember getting my very first cell phone back in 7th grade, this super slim Nokia that had a colored screen. Talk about innovation. Or maybe we should talk more about some silent relationship killers.
One thing I didn’t have was the internet or social media. The only form of typed communication that existed was text messages and even then people would still call each other because texting just took too long.
Fast forward to today and you can pretty much pry into anyone’s personal life. You can see what their favorite sports team is, where they last went to dinner, what emotions are running through their head based on their most recent tweet or Facebook status update. Or even how they look based on an Instagram upload.
Personal life no longer exists and because of this, the relationships we see in movies also no longer exist. Jealously, whether it’s expressed externally or not, is all around us.
Which brings us to the new frontier of dating and relationships. Couples who paint the reality of a perfect online persona, when actually the reality is far from what everyone see’s you as online.
Silent Relationship Killers
One thing I’ve noticed a lot lately is girls who paint the picture that they’re always stunningly beautiful. That they’ve got a perfect relationship and that their overall lifestyle is great. Isn’t it amazing how you never really see an “ugly” picture of a girl, a picture of a couple that’s fighting, or an image of a girl crying her eyes out?
Of course… what girl would put up those much more realistic pictures of herself? After all, in today’s world, you must be beautiful or at least perceived as beautiful and perfect. Or at least that’s what “matters” most right?
Emotions are also spilled out onto Twitter and Facebook regularly.
“I’m bored as fuhhh”
“My stomach hurts..”
“This food is SOOO Bomb.”
“I deserve better”
While you might feel that you’re expressing yourself. What you’re really doing when you express your emotions is crying out for help. For attention. For someone to care about what it is you have to say.
The reality is that no one really does care. Everyone’s soo caught up in this fast paced world we live in that they care more about themselves than the well being of other people. This isn’t to say that no one cares, but those that do are scarce and typically more concerned with what’s going on in their own life.
How Social Media Is Ruining Your Relationship
Instagram. Guys love to go on Instagram and look at pictures of girls. I had a friend one time ask me for my Instagram password just so he could check out all of the girls I followed. (I think that proves my point)
At the same time, you girls are always looking to take pictures of your sexiest features. Ugly pictures just don’t exist of you online. Your image is very important to you. You want to put up a perception of perfection, yet by doing so you compromise that you’re an actual human being. It’s almost as if you’re promoting filet mignon, then in person you’re just a carne asada taco. The transparency just isn’t there.
But what’s really killing your relationship is that you’re free to browse and look at all types of other men, without feeling guilty. If you don’t want your significant other to see what you’ve been looking at, you simply clear your history. What boyfriend doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.
One of the main relationship killers of Instagram is envy. When you see your friends posting pictures of her and her boyfriend taking cute pictures, doing fun activities together, etc. You may find yourself comparing other relationships to your own. This causes you to look at the areas in your relationship where you feel needs improvement. But what’s interesting is that you didn’t see this before, until you started to compare yourself to other relationships. Whether you do it consciously or subconsciously – the comparisons are happening. This is one of the more fatal relationship killers.
Facebook. What if your boyfriend likes a status of a girl you aren’t to fond of? What if he posted a status update of a quote and for whatever reason you thought it was about you? What if you did the same thing and he gets upset at you? One thing that Facebook (and all other social media platforms) have done is breed a generation of insecurity.
And insecurity breeds confrontation. Confrontation leads to drama. Drama leads to dying relationships. Deep in the back of yours and your boyfriends mind will always lurk the feeling’s of insecurity. The feelings of accusations and uncertainty. As the black eyed peas sang “where is the love?” When these emotions come into play, the love is absolutely no where to be found.
Twitter. I’ve always said that twitter reveals someone’s most inner thoughts. Twitter is the platform where you can speak out loud in silence. True emotions tend to be revealed the most on twitter. While this can be used for the greater good, in relationships it’s often – as I said earlier – a cry for help and a cry for attention.
Relationships today, no matter how strong the foundation, can be dismantled at the sight of a follow. Following someone that you or your boyfriend disapprove of is absolutely forbidden. Jealously, envy, and many other emotions ensue. It’s unhealthy and will surely spiral your relationship down the drain.
Vine. Vines are typically funny and short. However a lot of times you wonder what people are even doing with their lives? Should you be so bored that you have to film yourself making a meal to feel important? Maybe you film something to make your significant other jealous or re-vine something you think he wouldn’t approve of just to get his attention.
Today’s world has formed a new game of cat and mouse. It’s no longer about waiting and getting to know the other person. This generation is suffering from a form of social media ADD. We expect everything to be instant and at our disposal at the click of a button. Patience remains a virtue, yet it’s gone unseen.
Maybe you see a pattern of Vines that your boyfriend liking and it makes you jealous. You ask who he’s following, or he does the same to you. It’s the little things that social media does that can absolutely kill a relationship.
Lack of Communication In A Socially Driven World (Proof)
My girlfriend and I went over to her friends place to watch a movie the other night. This other couple had just gotten off of work and what promised to be a relaxing night of watching movies, turned into a silent fest of me and my girlfriend watching a movie.
The other girl had immediately gotten home, called her boss and began gossiping about her problems at work. Then the boyfriend went to the shower and took his phone with him.
When they finally did sit down and join us for the movie – about 45 minutes later – they didn’t talk to each other. They just sat next to each other and remained on their smart phones.
This was a very sad sight to see. It’s very sad that human interaction is seizing to exist, even in relationships where you supposedly care about the other person. Yet while there wasn’t any communication between the two of them, their online profiles show that they’re perfect. That arguments never happen and that everything is well. At least that’s how I see it.
Social media is very deadly when it comes to relationships. Everyone I’m sure has different levels of confidence and self assurance. But that still does not dismiss the natural emotions that we all have.
If we’re to improve our relationships, we must keep them offline. Bring back a sense of privacy and exclusivity. When you broadcast every single thing you’re doing, feeling, or anything else in your life you lose that privacy; that sense of intimacy. You may be connecting with everyone else on a virtual plane, but you’re losing connecting with your partner on a human plane.
While it’s none of your business what your partner is doing on his social media profiles, it’s natural to wonder and want to know. Is there an answer that can help solve these issues of today? Maybe that’s something older generations can help us with.
For now the only thing we can do is wait and see. We must learn patience, trust, and more importantly develop character that leads by example. We must use our smartphones when necessary and not when “there’s nothing else to do.”
Have a conversation with your partner. Get outside and go for a walk. Go to the gym together. Get outdoors and go for a hike or take a mini weekend getaway and don’t post pictures and then try not to post the entire album online. Reach back in time and grab that sense of privacy that will enable your relationship to thrive like generations past.
But most importantly, be conscious of your time and how you’re spending it. Technology will continue to develop, but your time with your partner and other loved ones will continue to diminish. Choose wisely.