How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

In 2010 life circumstances found my wife and I seeking advice on how to make a long distance relationship work.  I had moved to Michigan while she remained behind for several months selling our stuff and sorting a few things out.   Suddenly we were wondering things like: “can a long distance relationship work”?  If so, how?  It was the first time we had ever been apart by such a great distance.

The secrets we learned for our own relationship can open great opportunities for you and yours.

It should be noted that this advice does not only revolve around married couples but can be of great help to all relationship level including but not limited to those just starting their journey in life together.

Many different types of life circumstances can separate couples.  Sometimes it can be a planned separation like educational pursuits or career aspirations.  At other times an unexpected family emergency may require temporary and/or permanent relocation requirements.

how to make a long distance relationship work

Secrets in How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

It didn’t work in normal dating then it won’t work in a long-distance relationship either.  Yes, you do need to communicate.  Just don’t attempt to dominate the other person’s time because the two of you are apart.

Instead look at this separation as an opportunity for your relationship to grow.  The best way to do that is to preset expectations for this time you are going through.  Establish a suggested duration of time for communication be it via cell, Skype, eMail or whatever form you take.

In the process be sure to remember more traditional ways of communication such as the US Postal service.  The beauty of sending written letters is the other party is able to really see how much you care and this form of communication allows for adding little trinkets and special gifts as the opportunity arises.   This is particularly true today where writing a letter actually takes some effort compared to texting, it shows that you have taken the time and made an effort.

While communicating there is no need to keep it all to business and it is actually better if you don’t.  Instead, take time to build that one-to-one intimacy you two have shared in person.  Get personal.  Get sexy.

Arousing one another’s passions for each other while away can do wonders for the relationship when the two of you are finally able to be back together again.  One great way to do this is to read a romantic book together.

Here’s my recommendation for how to do this best.

  1. Each of you purchases a copy of the book.
  2. While going through the book take turns reading.
  3. After reading a section take time to talk about the content.

This works for story type books where you can speak about the plight of each individual character as well as for self-help type opportunities where the both of you can grow in your understanding of how the other relates to recommendations being made.

There are some things to avoid if you truly want this long-distance relationship to work.

  1. Doing things he won’t be in favor of if he was present. For example, if the 2 of you have agreed to avoid alcohol then going out and drinking with the girls will likely not be a good idea.  Typically speaking, he will find out and it could lead to serious trouble for your relationship.
  2. Seeing people in ways that you shouldn’t. Brian needed you to stop by to help him with something.  Brian and you have had a past that went beyond friends.  The lowliness of the separation between the 2 of you can leave you vulnerable.  As a result, one thing leads to another and your past relationship is no longer in the past.

Therefore, if you’re truly serious about your relationship working long-term then it is best to do in the absence of the other exactly what you would do if they were present.  Of course, this could lead to discovering new opportunities and interests that weren’t quite so clear when the two of you were together.


Google something like “ways to build a long distance relationship” and follow the ideas which appeal to the both of you.  In the process your relationship will be growing stronger and you will be learning the exact secrets of how to make a long distance relationship work.

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